Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
