if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
COCAINE IS GR8
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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