i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
