I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Actions speak louder than pants.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
