btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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