So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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