Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
