tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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