how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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