the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
