My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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