You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
