butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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