So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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