I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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