Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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