Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
