when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
