Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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