and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
