Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
