the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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