Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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