3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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