If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
