I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
