I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
