So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
