i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
