Don't you send me to vm
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
