I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
