My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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