Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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