So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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