I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
