i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
