I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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