Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
