I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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