We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
wow bdsm is so cute
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