so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
