dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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