My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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