I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
