if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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