Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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