Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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