They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
