no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
