shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
