i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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