dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
