Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
