Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
