Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
