Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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