Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
