Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
