I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
