my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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