I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
