We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
