Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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