i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
