i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
