So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
