DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
