I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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