There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
