just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Two words: nipple clamps
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