There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
