I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
