so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
