it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
