Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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