My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
