Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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