New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
