im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
