Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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