Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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